


Hollow Frogs?

by NnoitraSzayel



Category: Bleach
Genre: Crack, Frogs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-07
Updated: 2012-06-07
Packaged: 2017-11-07 03:03:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/426214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NnoitraSzayel/pseuds/NnoitraSzayel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Szayel's latest invention brings about the end of Las Noches</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hollow Frogs?

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted November 30, 2009

All of the Espadas, including Gin, Aizen, and Kaname were present in the meeting room. "Where is Szayel?"

"In his lab no doubt," Grimmjow muttered.

"Well, we can't start the meeting without the octava es-"

"YESSSSS!" The cry came from deep within the bowels of Las Noches. A few minutes later Szayel appeared in the doorway holding a small cage. He smoothed his hair before walking in and taking his seat across from Nnoitra at the table.

Aizen eyed him warily, "What's in the cage?"

Szayel's smile was practically a sneer as he pushed his 'glasses' up the bridge of his nose. "Our new minions."

"Our new minions?" Aizen ran a hand through his hair. "Oh dear gods, Szayel, what have you done?"

He got up, walked out into the hallway wheeling in a chalkboard, ignoring Grimmjow's mutterings of "oh great" and Ulquiorra's of "why does this trash have to lecture us." Szayel turned around, facing his 'audience' and then he turned back around and began writing.

"Now, if you take the square root of pie 7 times you get 1.17766403. Then you multiply it by 24 getting a product of 28.26393672. Then by finding the area and circumference of a circle with a radius of 3.14159265358979323846 and get an area of 9. pi and a circumference of 6.2831853071717958647692 pi. That's the dimensions for the hollow hole.

"Now, after going to the Mortal Realm and finding this particular specimen of what humans call 'frogs', I needed the dimensions of the frog. So, they are as follows: the length of the frog was 4.679 inches, the width, at the widest point of course, was 3.704 inches, and the height was 1.596 inches. So, the volume turns out to be 27.66030154 inches cubed and the area is 17.331016 inches squared.

"During the dissection of one of these specimens, the intestines were about a foot long and the brain weighted .874321 pounds.

"All I had to do was configure where the hole would go and how to form the mask. And voilà! Hollow frogs!"

"Hollow frogs?" Gin asked skeptically.

"Yes, and now I shall show them to you." He walked over to the cage that was sitting on the table and opened it. Seven hollow frogs walked out.

"I thought you said there was only one."

"Well…" suddenly another frog split off of one of the others. Szayel's throat went dry and his eye started twitching. "It would appear that they can reproduce asexually…"

"Asexually?" Grimmjow asked.

"It means they can produce offspring without having s-"

"I think even someone as narrow minded as Grimmjow knows what it means. Now Szayel, how will these be of-"

"It's in my hollow hole!" Grimmjow exclaimed, jumping from his chair. Szayel smirked.

"Maybe it just wants to…" he started.

"… find his p-"

"Nnoitra!" Aizen said, bringing everyone back to order. "You low life pervert!"

"Technically he isn't a 'low life' because he's seven foot five. I agree with the pervert part though."

"You guys are all naïve, you know that right?, so I'm going to be blunt with you all." He paused and stood up, "I am madly in love with Szayel Aporro Granz!" The room fell silent.

Aizen nearly fell out of his chair, the first time he had ever lost his composure in front of the Espadas, ever. "What?"

Szayel was starting to tear up, "really?"

"Of course, you look really sexy when you give your lectures, you know that right?" Szayel blushed, Grimmjow vomited, Harribel fainted, Ulquiorra muttered about how "love was trash", Gin dropped his smile, Tōsen opened his eyes, Aizen choked on his tea, Starrk woke up, and the frogs continued to multiply.

Needless to say, between the frogs, Nnoitra, and Szayel, Las Noches no longer exists…

**Author's Note:**

> I could so see Szayel going into a random monologue with the chalkboard in one of these meetings… And yes, the calculations above in Szayel's rant are correct (I used a calculator) and yes the radius of the circle was pi as well. Ah, poor Aizen…


End file.
